Feature: Queer "und Quer"

In September and October, I interviewed four RSH students with different opinions related to the subject of homosexuality, in order to highlight similarities and differences of experience. For the protection of the persons interviewed for the interviews, the names and classes of the students remain unidentifiable.

"It's also exhausting not to be who you are and to always play someone you're not."

Non-binary 15-year-old

Do you want to reveal what sexuality you feel you belong to?

Well, I don't label myself as anything. If I were to label myself, I would say pansexual.

What is your family's attitude towards the subject? - Does your family know about your sexuality and your attitude towards the topic?

Actually, they do. Well, I'm very open with my parents, and they don't have any problems with it either. In the beginning, it was more difficult, but with time it has become easier.

Why did you want to come out?

I wanted to be honest and save myself some unpleasant situations.

Can you understand when people don't want to come out?

Yes, because it always depends on the environment you live in and what your family is like. I think there are many people who don't have such understanding parents, for whom it's even more difficult. I think everyone can do it the way they think is right.

How do you feel about people saying that there is already enough equality? - Do you agree?

No, I don't think it's true. If you compare it to the past, it has improved a lot, but it's still not good enough, in my opinion.

Are you outed or have you ever heard of one and what were the reactions like?

Well, my friends, quite normally, they usually already knew. But I haven't come out at school yet.

Why?

I don't feel very safe.

Well, I don't feel particularly safe. I do it to protect myself, I would say, and I don't really need to say it at school, because it's just school.

What are your demands and wishes for the environment and society in terms of reactions to the topic of being queer?

Well, I would say that many people should be better informed about such things, because many people don't know about it. That it should also be discussed at school. And when you come out, that people don't ask, is that really true? But instead just say, okay, I'm happy for you. Just ask nicely and not be so pushy, because I think that annoys most people.

What are the fears, problems and worries that come with being queer/gay?

I think most of all, people are afraid of being hurt by others, psychologically and mentally. And it's also exhausting not to be who you are and to always play someone you're not.

What could people do to make other people who are queer feel comfortable in their environment?

It's a difficult question. I would say that people simply need to be more understanding of some things and open up, then it would work out much better and it wouldn't be such a big issue.

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Male 14-year-old

"I think everyone can do what they want, of course, we live in a free country, but in my religion it's a sin...But I wouldn't go against it in any way, because in the end, I can't change it."

What is your position on homosexuality?

Yes, well, I think everyone can do what they want, of course, we live in a free country, but in my religion it's a sin.

That would have been one of my questions. Are you a believer? Are homosexuality and faith compatible for you?

Yes, I am a Christian and in the Bible it says that same-sex sex or same-sex marriage is the same sin as, for example, a relationship with animals or children. Yes it is forbidden, it is a sin.

What is your family's attitude towards the subject?

So, just like I just said.

How does your attitude change towards someone who is gay?

Well, if the person is nice to me, then I'm also nice to them, because then they're not necessarily a bad person. For me, it is a sin, but so are many other things. I get along with people.

How do you think these people should be treated? - Would you demand restrictions?

Yes, I would demand that they don't walk around with flags and stuff like that, because I think it's provocative somewhere, and I also think that you don't have to put so much into the little children.

You used the word provoke, others would perhaps rather call it openness, what exactly do you find so provocative about it?

Many gays want to be accepted like normal people, and then I think to myself, then act like normal people. They can be normal people and then they just go home and go to bed with their husband or the wife goes to bed with her wife, nobody has a problem with that, but when I see some half-naked people walking down the street with some flags and they're going completely crazy, then I just think to myself, it doesn't have to be, so I don't want to see it.

That would have been one of my questions. What do you think about actions like Pride? That must have been what you meant.

Yes, that's what I meant. I don't think it's okay that they walk around half naked, because if you were to walk around the schoolyard like them, you would be arrested and go to jail for it, but it's okay for them - I don't understand that, and I don't think it's okay.

How do you react and what do you think, when you come into contact with the topic, e.g. through outings?

If someone in the class came out now, I would have absolutely no problem with it, because in the end he goes home, I go home, and we don't have anything to do with each other. But if, for example, a family member or something came out, like my little brother or something, then I would say that I have a different opinion about it. But I wouldn't go against it in any way, because in the end, I can't change it.

For example, would you go further with your little brother or just let him live his life?

Yes, if he somehow walks through the house with a flag, then I would tell him, don't get on my nerves and put the flag away and don't annoy me. So if he's annoying, he's annoying, regardless of whether he's gay or not, but I wouldn't intervene like that, because in the end I can't change it. Some people beat their children or their brothers. I think if they choose to do that [to be gay], then they have chosen to do that, then you can't change that.

Do you think people choose which sexuality they belong to?

No, I don't think so, because I am a believer. The Bible says that God allowed sin and that's why people start taking drugs or smoking or some people are gay, lesbian or something like that. And that's why I would say that they don't choose it, some people who have some kind of attention deficit disorder or something like that, the only way out is to deny something in order to get more attention, but otherwise I would say that sin just works for them.

Would you call yourself a homophobe?

No, I don't think so, because I think homophobic people are people who say that it has to be banned completely, and I don't think so, because I know that it's a sin and even if it were banned, it would still happen. It's just like with drugs, you ban drugs, but in the end people still take drugs.

Is there anything else you would like to say?

Yes, I know of a case where someone who was gay became a believer and then converted and God took that away from him. Then he no longer had the desire to sleep with men or no longer found men attractive and ended up getting married, and that's why I would say that everyone has the chance to walk the path with God and then it can be healed, so to speak. So I don't want to describe it as a disease.

"I got a lot of hateful comments, mostly from the boys. The teachers were pretty okay with it, they hardly reacted to it. And most of the girls either didn't care or vibed me up."

Gender fluid 12-year-old

Do you want to reveal which sexuality you feel you belong to?

I have no problem with that. I am a pansexual. I found that out one day, when I fell in love. With a girl and with a boy. So, I thought, hey isn't that a little weird? Women are meant to fall in love only with men - that's why I don't like God, because, I mean, God prescribes: You're female, you love man. You are male, you love women. I don't get it.

What do you say to people who believe? So they believe in God and are still e.g. pansexual?

Of course, I have no problem with other people believing in God. I think everything is fine, except when someone is homophobic. I find that stupid. But if someone believes in God or has a different sexuality or is transgender or has a "sexuality believers shouldn't have" (in quotes), that's perfectly fine. I think that's fine.

What is your family's attitude towards the issue? Does your family know about your sexuality and your attitude towards the issue?

I have a Pride flag in my kitchen. I think my father repressed it when I told him I was pansexual, my sister knew before I knew, and my paternal aunt was one of the quickest to know, because I trust her very much, and my other maternal aunt is going to the CSD with me on the 2nd of October.

So everything is pretty relaxed with you?

Yes, pretty relaxed.

How do you feel about people saying that there is already enough equality and do you agree with that?

In my opinion, there will never be enough equality because all kinds of people think that men are better or that sexuality is prescribed or that gender is prescribed. So that will most likely never change, but so far there is already a lot of equality, which I am very happy with, but there could always be more.

Are there any specific demands you have, maybe to society and politics?

No, not really, I'm quite happy with what's there, but I'd like it if men, really superficial men, could please change their views - that would be nice.

Are you outed, or have you ever been outed, and how were the reactions?

Not in relation to my family, but in relation to school and maybe teachers. Yes, I came to school once in the sixth grade with my Pride flag around my shoulders. I got a lot of stupid comments. I even encouraged a girl in my class to do the same. I got a lot of hateful comments, mostly from the boys. The teachers were pretty okay with it, they hardly reacted to it. And most of the girls either didn't care or vibed me up.

What are your demands and wishes for the environment and society in terms of reactions to the topic of being queer? We touched on this a bit earlier, but how do you imagine the perfect outing?

There will never be a perfect outing, I'll just say that. Maybe there will be a perfect outing in a thousand years when I'm no longer alive. I would love to see that if I'm honest, but it's probably not going to happen. Of course, a perfect outing would be one where you don't get teased for it, or someone makes stupid comments about it or doesn't accept any of it. I mean, if they don't accept it, that's totally fine, but please just keep it in your brain, don't speak out - that makes the other people who come out sad.

What are the fears, problems and worries that come with being queer or gay, related to school, teachers, friends?

Nervousness, very strong nervousness. When you come out to a family member, to a classmate, to anyone, of course, there's a lot of nervousness and fear that the person you're telling won't accept you - of course, you're nervous, and I was very nervous. I was afraid that I wouldn't be accepted, or even bullied for it. It happened in my primary school, but I wasn't bullied because I came out as gay, but because I looked very boyish.

Are there problems and worries now?

Problems? Of course, there is the problem that if you come out, you will be bullied, which, of course, no one hopes for - but it happens anyway. There are also problems that you have when you fall in love with the same sex or something, that the person doesn't accept it or puts you down for it, or that the person is straight - that's classic - you fall in love with the straight person.

Do you have any tips for people who want to come out, or something you would recommend to people who are growing up in an environment where the topic is a bit more critical than at your home? For example, to come out at all?

You should only come out if you are comfortable with it. If you don't want to, then of course, you don't have to come out - if you are in a critical situation, with family members who don't accept it, or friends who don't accept it - if they would leave you, if your family members are mean to you, hide it. But if you want to hide it, you have to be able to hide it well.

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"I can understand a bit why they fight, because they are not regarded by many, but I think sometimes it crosses the line and it is too much to ask for."

Female 15-year-old

What is your position on homosexuality?

Yes, because it is not allowed in my religion to be homosexual, it is really a no-go for me. It is not that, if a homosexual would pass me by, that I would despise them or spit on them or something. I just let them live. But if someone asked me, if I would support it or support him, I would say no, even if it's a close friend: if she told me, “yes, I want a girl” or something, then I would also say, “no, that's not what I want to support.”

What is your family's attitude towards the issue?

In any case, just like me. They are also, not that they show that towards them, and they also let them live normally. And, yes, we just don't have anything to do with them, and we don't support that, and that's it.

How does your attitude change towards someone who is gay?

Yeah, that's a good question. I don't think anything would change now. I would just get along with the person and I could be friends with the person, but I wouldn't support them in what they do. But she would still be just like everyone else, a friend or a person or something. I would treat them like everyone else, just not support what they do.

How would you deal with a friend who came out to you as gay?

I would simply tell him how I feel about it and how it is with me and also how it is in my religion, and then he would have to decide for himself, does he get along with me not supporting it, or does he not get along with it - that's just his decision. For me, it would then be relatively unimportant, the only point is that I don't support it.

Yes, we have actually already clarified the question. Are you a believer, and are being gay and your faith compatible?

Yes, so in any case, I am a believer, and in my faith it is so, that homosexuality is not accepted, so I can't say it exactly now: we have to accept every person, it is accepted, but it is not so that you are allowed to live it out - and you are also not allowed to support it, but yes, we have to accept every person, we do, but in my faith, it is nothing with support.

Which faith do you feel you belong to?

Islam.

How do you think people should be treated? Would you call for restrictions?

No, absolutely not, I would never restrict them - they have exactly the same right as all other people, but I also don't think that they should have any advantages, like new genders... or just advantages in general that others don't have, or have their own day. I mean, heterosexuals don't have a day to themselves, or they don't do demos. Yeah, okay, you can't compare that maybe, but they don't have a day, and they don't have seven thousand genders either, so no.

What do you think about same-sex marriage?

As I said, live and let live, but I personally would never live it out, and yes that would actually be relative to me.

What do you think about a same-sex couple adopting children?

Again, I can only say: live and let live. They have no other option, so I can understand why they do it, but as I said, I wouldn't support it either.

And with regard to the children, do you think it's okay that the children belong to such families?

I would say that a child simply needs a father and a mother, everyone needs that, but if you don't have it, then you don't have it. So there are also cases where the parents have died, or there is a mother part and a father part, and then one person can manage on their own, but I think that in any case, even if you do adopt a child as a same-sex person, then you should not support it.

I would also think about the effects at school, in general, so that it is not disadvantaged in any way.

What do you think about actions like Pride or CSD?

Let's say I was also gay, then of course I would also fight for it. I don't really care if they fight for it or not, I would also - I also fight against racism, so to speak, when Palestine was against Israel, I also fought there. I know everyone fights for their interests and ideals, and I can understand a bit why they fight, because they are not regarded by many, but I think sometimes it crosses the line and it is too much to ask for.

What exactly do you mean by that?

I mean that some homosexuals really want more than heterosexuals have; they just want more, like I said with the sexes. I don't get it, why should there be seventy genders - I don't get it. I mean you don't feel, like - I can't explain it.

Do you think there are Muslim homosexuals?

Yes, I definitely believe there are, there definitely are. I think they would either talk themselves out of it and kind of tell themselves that it's not true, that it's not accepted in the faith. Either they would do it like that or they don't care completely, or they say they can't do anything about it.

Is there anything you can do about it?

Yes, well I know sometimes, you fall in love with people where you - love just happens, but you also tell yourself a lot of things, and I definitely know that when you look at someone, you focus on that person, so you can control who you fall in love with. In some situations, I understand that you can't do that at all, but I would say, on the whole, you can control who you fall in love with.

How do you react, and what do you think when you come into contact with the subject? For example at school or personally with people.

Yes, actually the topic doesn't interest me at all. I sometimes find it interesting to hear what this demonstration was and what happened at it, but I don't really deal with this topic. And when others talk about it, and those around me are mostly of the same opinion as me, so are the people I have to deal with everyday - and that's why, when we talk about it, it's just rather negative. Because, as I said, in my faith, it's not allowed now, and that's why it's not that I talk about it, well, in front of people.

Do you think people can choose which sexuality they belong to?

Yes, definitely, as I said, you tell yourself a lot of things, and the more you tell yourself that, the more you believe it, so if I tell myself several times and several times that I'm not into men, then at some point, it can really be that I think I'm really into women. And, therefore, yes, you definitely tell yourself a lot.

Do you think everyone who is gay tells themselves that? Especially when you take into account the disadvantages of being gay.

I don't think you tell yourself 100%, but there's at least 20% persuasion in everyone's case. And, I also think, even lately, I've noticed that, just having this rainbow in your profile text, just to belong or to follow the trend, and I think that's really big rubbish: I mean, you know yourself what you want, and then you just put yourself out there, because it's just trendy, or because your friends are just doing it.

I think it's really stupid. And I think it has a real thing to do with attention, that some people just really want attention, and I'm not talking about really older people who really have a lot of experience in their lives, I'm talking more about the younger people. Disadvantages are a bit of an issue, but I still think everyone is talked into it a lot.