Note from the not-so-feminine girl

What makes you feminine?

Most people would say: long hair, make-up, dresses, skirts, blouses, high-heels, jewelry, and a ring on their finger.

Overall, traits of a "typical girl". But what if you're a not-so-feminine girl, like me?

It seems to me that femininity is correlated with submission. Basically, male voices get more recognition, and we’re supposed to listen. But submission isn’t also just in conversation: think porn. The depictions of women in pornography suggest that a woman’s job is to satisfy men and can be quite degrading. For men, they’re real men when they have power; women are real women, when they support that power... Being beautiful for their boyfriends. Caring for the children and husbands. Not stepping out of line.

Personally, I think that femininity is something emotional. Deep in the feels of perception. Femininity, is a woman embracing herself. Embracing her looks, however she likes them; saying what she feels is right and wearing what's comfortable. For me, self-determination (Selbstbestimmung) is the most feminine thing about me. But that goes against the classic view of a “real woman.” I choose who and how I want to be, and in this society, that makes me masculine or un-feminine.

My personal experience with being a “masculine” girl is that I’m often not taken seriously when wording my feelings, having insults like “tranny” or “lesbo” thrown at me (as if being trans or a lesbian would be a problem). Some people have literally thrown rocks my way. Others have run after, threatening to “make me a woman,” threatening rape and violence because I didn’t appear woman-enough for them.

It's funny when an old person mistakes you for a boy though. But being threatened for not fitting the mold, is horrible.

This isn’t an opinion article aimed at bashing men. The fact that I must even mention this demonstrates my earlier point that to be seen/heard, I have to excuse myself for challenging a societal narrative. I won’t. For others, I’m a butch, punk girl, but I don’t think the labels are necessary. I’m just as woman and any other. I’m a real woman, because I embrace myself: my emotions, the feelings and flaws. The same goes for masculinity. Men are their realest, when they show their true selves, embracing their emotions, feelings and flaws too.

Self-determination is what makes each person unique, and if we choose for ourselves who and how we want to be, it inspires the people around us to do the same.